20. Feedback Is Personal

I was talking with a leader recently who told me she avoids giving feedback because “it shows favoritism.”

That floored me.

If you believe feedback is favoritism, you’re guaranteeing mediocrity.

You’re guaranteeing that the people who could grow the fastest will never know how.

And you’re guaranteeing that no one in your company will have the clarity they deserve.

And that guarantees your business will not perform as well as it could.

Hi, I’m James and you’re listening to the Leadership in 5 podcast.

This is the fifth of five episodes in the It’s All Personal series. This is some vital wisdom to have, because excellence looks operational, but excellence is always achieved through people.

Here’s the truth: feedback isn’t just about performance.

It’s also about relationship.

When it’s done right, it says,

“I see you

I’m invested in you,

and I care enough to help you get better.”

But most leaders — maybe you — were never trained to give it well.

And even fewer have ever been trained to receive it well.

Without that skill, “feedback” becomes the f-word.

People flinch when they hear it.

They brace for impact instead of leaning in.

So let’s make it something people can actually use.

First, drop the “special occasion mindset.”

If the only time your team hears feedback is in a formal review or when something went wrong, you’ve already lost.

Make it normal.

Say what’s working in the moment. Say what’s off-track in the moment.

I want to challenge you to keep it simple:

“That was great because…”

“That’s off because…”

Simple means precise, and specific, and timely, and it honors the receiver. It has their best interest in mind.

Second, make it helpful, not just an opinion.

Advice says, “Here’s what I’d do.”

And it always comes from the lens of the giver;

their experience, their fear, their success, their attitude about it.

And that distorts it.

But genuine feedback says,

“Here’s what I see, here’s the impact, and here’s where you could go next.”

One is about you.

The other is about them.

Third, model how to receive it.

If you get defensive every time someone points something out, don’t expect your team to handle it any better.

When someone offers you a perspective — even if you don’t fully agree — show that you can take it in without shutting down.

Say: “Thanks for pointing that out, I’ll think about it.” Or, “That’s fair — I can work on that.”

I want to leave you with a challenge to apply this:

This week, ban the word “feedback.”

Call it the f-word. See how that changes the energy.

Instead of saying, Hey, James can I give you some feedback,”

try: “Let’s make this stronger” or “Here’s something I noticed.”

Have a short 15-minute standup with your team about how you each like to “get” the f-word.

You go first and share what works best for you.

Maybe you prefer direct, critical feedback.

Or maybe you prefer to hear what went well, so you can do more of that..

Then ask each person.

You’ll uncover ways to make these conversations faster, easier, and more useful.

Here are your reflection questions today:

How do you usually react when someone gives you feedback?

Where could you make feedback normal instead of a “formal” event?

What’s one relationship that could improve if you gave the right kind of feedback this week?

Feedback is personal because it’s never just about the words;

it’s about trust, timing, and intent.

And that’s worth thinking about today.